Some of you have noticed the change happening in my life & on my social media pages.
Others don’t follow close enough to notice….. but you should! 🙂 Keep reading for raw, sincere truth & the process of change.
After 18 months, Im finally comfortable enough to start sharing my new life & I think you deserve the authentic ‘Lisa.’
I find it VERY important that I help you to understand this isn’t just a ‘feel good – motivate you’ health & wellness page.
At least not any more.
This has morphed into a ‘get out of your own head & let’s get real’ health & wellness page.
You see…… for years I lived in a marriage where we weren’t truly happy but made it look amazing to others. That’s not living a life of authenticity.
We were the perfect family with 1 son & 1 daughter, made good money, lived in a beautiful house, drove new vehicles, never had a bad reputation, kept discrepancies hidden, and had pretty yet fake smiles.
I wasa physical therapist & he an engineer & our children were attractive with good grades & natural athletes. (The kids still are exactly that but now getting pre-teen attitudes. Gonna be a rough next few years). 😫🙄
The truth was that was just the image we were portraying.
Why did I feel the stress to portray such a perfect image?
I have yet to figure that out… But i assume the pressure of society had a good deal to do with it. Yet… it was far from the truth.
Behind closed doors we were living a life of loneliness yet trying to raise our minis in a happy home. Kids are smart & have great intuition – they knew we weren’t happy regardless of the fake smiles.
Someone in the family once told me that our relationship was ‘doable’ so I should stay. I suppose it was……. but it wasn’t authentic & not how I was raised. I was raised in a home where you speak your mind, stand up for each other, learn to forgive, & love hard. My parents were always holding hands, dancing in the kitchen, & although they had arguments, I saw them love each other thru them vs ignore them. They taught us how to apologize & agree to disagree.
I found myself unable to forgive my husband for words & actions. I couldn’t move forward, I felt ignored and as if no one had my back, and therefore my relationships with my parents/siblings started to struggle too.
I became internally an angry, burnt out mom hiding behind a false image & pretty smile.
That’s when I began running.
It was my peaceful oasis – I ran to escape my feelings, reality, being a parent & then I found myself praying & crying during my marathon training runs.
Professional marriage counseling was a blessing & I learned a lot but making my body push hard & run long distance was my saving grace. It gave me a workout high & relieved stress not to mention strengthened my relationship with God on a few levels.
Yet….. home life continued to not be what I thought it should be. I wanted to hold someone’s hand & wake up to morning hugs. I wanted to be told I’m loved & felt appreciated. I wanted him to fear losing ME. I didn’t want ‘doable’…. I wanted more. I think he did too.
Then, dynamics changed (I’m not going to be an angry person & dish details) but I couldn’t handle it & filed for divorce. I kept it a big secret because I was embarrassed & felt like I had failed. Honestly…. I’m not used to failing at anything so it was very tough for me to admit I was going through a divorce. Much of my small home town & family didn’t realize what I was going through. I kept it very low key.
The divorce itself was easy. No lawyers. We met with a private mediator to have the paperwork drawn up. Emotionally I was a mess, but I’m good at compartmentalizing so only my inner circle of friends new my struggles. My parents didn’t even know when the divorce was finalized.
We lived together 2 months after the divorce to help eachother get our feet on the ground…..I wasn’t angry anymore & I knew I was going to feel freedom soon so it wasn’t that bad.
Since the divorce – my relationship with my Mom had gotten much better, my kids have been more open with their feelings & showing love with hugs & cuddles, I’ve found out how strong I am & that I can do all the lawn work & fix the garbage disposal on my own!!
I struggle some days & fail often with words & actions. I cry more than I ever have but think of those tears as soul cleansers vs weakness. I’m not afraid to show the tears anymore.
I’ve grown a lot & I now know that the actions & words I needed weren’t only dreams & wishes. People actually kiss, hug, talk about deep topics, & wake up happy!!
Long story….. but it leads me to this.
- I’m authentic now.
- No fake smiles but real ones.
- I’m not afraid to cry or feel pain.
- I got the tattoo I always wanted & live by my rules.
- I curse. Im sassy. I love hard & care deeply —– and that’s ok!!
- I have a dirty mind & don’t apologize for it.
- I eat nachos & wings. I like beer & tequila.
- I yell at my kids sometimes. (Bedtime when they won’t go to bed until they push my buttons every damn night).
- I like my quiet days when the kids are with their dad. And he’s a really good Dad!
I don’t appreciate his taste in women & that’s hard to manage, but he probably feels the same about me.
- I still workout nearly daily & eat well 80% of the time.
- I have 10-12 more pounds I want to lose.
- I’m not perfect & it’s ok.
- I wake up with huge wild bed head & sometimes look like hell.
- I make no apologies for being REAL these days & this page will reflect my real life & self in hopes of helping you to not feel pressured to live that ‘social media perfect life’ either!!
If you don’t like it….. I’m ok with that.
I’m a single mom doing it my way & working as a therapist, sports nutritionist, small business owner, & coaching others to be entrepreneurs with me so we can all succeed. I’m a successful Team Beachbody coach & did I mention I’m not afraid of hard work??
You’ll see my unfiltered thoughts & words….. I’ll probably offend some people & my mom will shake her head wondering what kind of woman she raised at times. Lol!!
But…. my social media biz pages are my life as a single parent succeeding through failing forward & teaching others the info & techniques I know to lose weight & be better athletes. I connect well with people of all ages & possess a lot of internal positive energy.
Above all……. my SMILE is genuine now. Hence my new team & business motto:
Sweat, SMILE, Eat & Repeat. 💕
I hope you’ll appreciate the unfiltered authenticity & genuine person I am these days!!! If not….. so be it. I’ll still be A-Ok!
Reflect & question yourself….. are you being authentic with yourself? Your family? Your life? Why not?
Leave a comment with your authentic feelings regarding what’s holding you back from showing your genuine self to the world!!